This is my birth story.
One year ago today, at 7:43 am, I gave birth to the most
amazing little person I have ever known. My son, Troy David Robert Allstead.
For those who know me know that my pregnancy in the
beginning was very hard. Bobby and I were going through so much that it is
amazing how well we did. We had alot of scares, I had genetic tests done, and alot of specialists. In the end everything turned out ok.
I woke up on September 4th, 2014 at 4:00am. I had
hardly slept that night because of all the pain I was in. Troy despite being
39w 4d, was still very high up in my ribs, and was as active as ever. He made me
feel like at any moment my skin was going to tear. But how could I be mad at
that? My son was awake, alive, and active. Our bags were all over-packed for
the hospital and had been for atleast 2 weeks. Bobby and I were relatively calm despite what we were getting
ready to do. At 5am we drove to the hospital.We talked about what was about to come, and about normal
things. We had become very familiar with the hospital, and the maternity ward
because I had been there for a walk through, and complications with my preterm contractions. I
waddled my way through the hospital and to the maternity ward where I was
greeted by the nurses on staff that morning, was signed in and was taken to my
room. Bobby joined me shortly after because he had to find parking and clarify
where he could park overnight.
I was given my hospital gown to put on, and was hooked up to
all my fetal monitors. The lady who was hooking me up looked under my gown and
was for some reason shocked. She had said, “You’re all baby under here”. All I
could say was, “Thanks?” I was very small throughout all my pregnancy. No one
ever believed me when I told them how far along I was. But I digress. I got
very caring and understanding nursing staff that morning. I have a huge fear of
needles and did not want the IV I was going to receive to go into my hand. I couldn’t
handle it. They agreed to give me an IV in my arm instead which I was so
thankful for. After they drew my blood and took down my medical history my
doctor came in. He had told me he was so pleased that I was punctual. That
means that everything can go exactly as planned. We did get there early so we
spent some time waiting on my labs, and just cuddling in bed. That’s when Dr.
Knight showed up, it was game time. I wasn’t ready. Dr. Knight told me that he was going to get changed, and that
we were going to the operating room. That’s when the fear really hit me. I had
misheard what he said and I thought that I had more time before we went to the
operating room. They told me that Bobby couldn’t come with me because I had to
be set up first. This was terrible for me. I was getting ready to do the
biggest thing I have ever done and I had to do the walk alone. I waddled along
with the nurses to my operating room as they greeted the doctors and nurses
along the way. Every step that I took I swear Troy already knew how scared I
was. He didn’t let up for anything. Finally we made it. My operating room, my
door.
When I walked into the operating room it was extremely
bright. Everything in there was white. But the room overall was absolutely
freezing. Freezing to the point where I was shivering and shaking. I was naked
under this paper thin gown. Once I sat down on the table I started to panic
even more. My anesthesiologist did everything he could do to keep me calm while
the doctors and the nurses talked amongst themselves. There was no time to
think about anything because it was all moving so fast. The anesthesiologist
told me to lean forward and try and touch my toes. This was it, the moment I
had been dreading most of all, the spinal. The spinal was a shot directly into
my spinal cord. He didn’t tell me when he was going to put it in but I felt it.
During this moment is when I thought I had made the wrong decision. What was I
possibly thinking? How can I do this? This is a really big mistake. It was a
super sharp pain and before I finished saying “OW” the pain was gone and the
weird feeling had begun. I had lost all feeling in my lower body. They had to
put their arms under my arms and physically pull me up, which didn’t feel good,
at all. I was very worried that I was still going to be able to feel
everything. I started to panic even more, and started to cry. I asked when I
could see Bobby, when I could see Bobby. They told me that he would be able to
come in once I was all sterile and prepped.
They started prepping me by putting up my partition first so
I couldn’t see. They were touching my legs and I was still able to feel. But
what I was feeling was normal. It felt like the same tingly sensation you get
when your legs fall asleep and you stand up. After they did all this they
started to rub this cold stuff on me. Once they were done doing that Bobby was
finally able to come in and sit near my head.
I was never happier to see him then I was at that moment. I
also don’t think that I squeezed his hand harder than I did at that moment. My
anesthesiologist joined us at my head. He had made sure that I was comfortable
and just tried to talk to me. He told me that they had already made the first
incision and was trying to tell me what else was going on. I shut him down straight
away and told him that I didn’t want to know what they were doing and I only
wanted to know when he was almost out. After a few more brief moments he told
me that they were going to push down on my chest and that I was going to feel
some pressure. When they pushed down on my chest, it felt like there was an
elephant standing on my chest and that was it, Troy was here. The first thing
that they had said was “Whoa this guy already needs a haircut” Troy then began
to cry. It was the most amazing sound. The past 10 months had flashed before my
eyes. This crying started as a “Pregnant” on a digital pregnancy test, a blip
on a monitor, a kick in my chest, now he was really here, he was real, my son.
I started crying instantly and the anesthesiologist wiped my tears as they held
him up for us to see. Troy had his eyes closed and a head full of jet black
hair. After I saw him I started having a hard time understanding what was
taking place. They said “give him a kiss mom” and placed troy against my face
and I kissed him, and they took him away.
Before we went to the hospital Bobby and I had many talks
about him being very aware and very involved with Troy when he came out. I told
him that he needed to make sure that he was ok. They started to perform the
Apgar test. I wasn’t able to see a lot of it but the time I was able to see was
the time when they were having trouble getting Troy to cry. They were rubbing
his back, patting him, basically trying to make him mad so hell cry, and he
did. At this moment I felt myself going in and out of consciousness. Bobby
squeezed my hand tight and told me to squeeze his hands, keep my eyes open, and
to stay with him. They called Bobby over to cut the cord and I wasn’t able to
see because of the partition.
Once Bobby cut the cord he came back and joined me at the
top of my head and the doctor brought Troy over to me and laid him in front of
me and Bobby was holding him in place. Troy wasn’t really crying, but he was
whining. I kept telling him that he was a faker and he was faking that he was
fine. After a few more minutes with him the doctors told me that they were just
about done stitching me up and that we were getting ready to go into recovery.
I grabbed Bobby and told him “Do not leave his side, do not let him go anywhere
where you can’t go” Then they were gone.
I don’t know if it’s a bad thing, but I was so completely
out of it that I wasn’t really that worried. I think it’s because I knew Troy
was safe with his dad. The only person that I could possibly trust at that very
moment to take my minutes old son away from me. It didn’t take very long for
them to finish up and they took off the partition and I almost died. There is
some weird thing they placed over my stomach for surgery that was adhesive. So
when they pulled it off my stomach looked like ramen, or like when your finger
gets all pruney when you stay too long in the water. I had asked them if those
were stretch marks and the anesthesiologist assured me no. They covered me up
and started to wheel me into recovery.
When we got wheeled into the room Bobby was standing in the
middle of this room holding Troy and adjusting his hat. He looked so confident,
like he had done this a thousand times before. He was already a natural. This
was a really magical moment. I had no partition in front of me, nothing
blocking my view and I was sitting fully up. Bobby, Troy’s father, handed me my
son. He was so calm, he was perfect and still. I pulled down my gown and put
him to my chest. He laid on my chest and I felt whole. They had told me that
they were getting ready to give Troy a vitamin K shot. When they gave him the
shot he cried so loudly that I instantly started bawling. My poor little booboo
was in pain and I couldn’t help it. The crying didn’t last long before he was
perfectly at ease on my chest once again. I wasn’t allowed to breastfeed him
because they were concerned about his breathing. He was making a sigh/cry when
he exhaled and he shouldn’t be.
They decided that they were going to give him an hour to see
if he was going to improve. During that hour Bobby was running in and out of
the room to get service to talk to my mom who was anxious as could be. My mom
was so happy for me and couldn’t get enough of his pictures.
After the hour passed Troy’s breathing hadn’t improved so they
had to take him away again and I made Bobby go with him. They put him in a
heating bed, and monitored his heart and gave him a bath. They waited a little
longer till he was cleared to come back to my room. During this time I was
sitting here alone, scared to death about Troy. When Bobby finally came to my
room to tell me that he was ok, I could finally breathe a sigh of relief. It
wasn’t much longer before Bobby and the nurse were wheeling Troy into my suite.
Bobby again handed me Troy, and I had the go ahead to
breastfeed. I was so lost on how to do this and I wasn’t sure I was doing it
right. This is a moment I will never forget in my life. As I was talking to
Bobby about it, and telling him how everything I had read tells me that when a
baby latches, you’d know it. At that exact moment, Troy had latched. It was the
most amazing thing ever, my baby boy had latched and began to feed. He was a
breast feeding champion. It did take a little time for him to be able to latch
properly on both breasts but like I had said, he was a champion and got it down
pat in no time.
Now that I finally had Troy with me and he was perfectly
fine, we took this time to take lots of pictures and send them to family and
friends. My mom got the majority of the pictures and like everyone, was amazed
at all his hair. All I could do was just look at him. I was simply amazed at
this little boy. He was perfect in every way, and I was surprised that I had
made this little boy. He came out of me. And just a few hours ago he was
kicking the crap out of my ribs. He spent the majority of the time overall
sleeping. I had the hardest time putting him down. I would have loved to have
bed shared with him in the hospital but that wasn’t an option.
There are no words to describe how tired I was after I had
Troy. I got absolutely no sleep the night before because I was so anxious. I
woke up so early and headed to the hospital then had Troy. I had never been so
tired in my entire life. After you have a C-section, you’re checked on
constantly because it is major surgery. I swear to god that every time I nodded
off or finally fell asleep a nurse had come in to check on me and Troy. I
appreciate the follow ups but man….I don’t think I slept more then 1-2 hours at
a time my entire duration I was in the hospital. I also couldn’t sleep because
I was too scared. In hospitals they swaddle babies to keep them warm and
comfortable. Troy however liked to sleep kind of on his side. I was so overly
paranoid that if I fell asleep, he was somehow going to roll over on his face
and suffocate. I cannot tell you how many times I called, and or texted my mom
panicking. She told me to just relax and calm down and that he was going to be
fine. But I still couldn’t do it. So instead I stayed up, watched crappy TV and
slammed as many apple juices my nurses would bring me.
Before I knew it, it was time to bring Troy home. We were
both well enough to be discharged after 2 very long, long days. There are no
words to describe the paranoia of driving your 2 day old child home in the car
on the way home from the hospital. Bobby drove so slow!! We were so happy to be
home, and I was so happy to come home to a pristinely cleaned home with all of
my necessities close near my bed. Bobby made all the preparations for coming
home that we eased right in. Giving birth is hard, scary, exhausting, and
amazing. I couldn’t have done it without the support of my husband, my mom, and
my family.
