Definitely been a minute

Oh goodness. It has definitely been a minute since I've had time to do an update here. Oh man, where do I even begin.

As always I am extremely busy. I'm full force into my job. It's the hardest job I have ever had, I had NO idea what it takes to work in a staffing agency. It is so much work, at least for what I do. When I was hired I started as an operations support specialist. I handled back office work and paperwork. I have been officially offered a promotion. I've been transitioning into a Staffing Associate. Which is basically everything I was doing prior, but more. Like the great Billy Mays said "But wait there's more!" The easiest way I can some this up is I find people jobs that are temp-to hire and they are our employees. I process all their paperwork, I do their payroll, counsel them appropriately for issues. It's very time consuming and there is literally no down time.

Our regional manager was in the office last week and I had the meeting with her. They are ready to draft my paperwork and I may be going out of town for some training seminars. The girl that I work with who I was hired to help just became pregnant. So everyone is kinda gearing up to shape me into another her so I can run the client when she is gone. This client is one of the largest AppleOne supports and is the biggest of our branch. It is a really big deal. The next 8 months are going to be rough because I am going to be in even more of an overdrive. They need me to be ready and to be prepared in case she decides not to come back. She has been supporting this client for the last 5 years. It is extremely scary to think about and its intimidating. She as well got a promotion but will still be supporting me and doing a little bit more, but I have essentially currently taken over her previous role. My manager, this girl, and our regional all agreed that I am ready.

I am scared but I am determined. Sometimes being the only one working is so hard, not financially but mentally. I am raising a child and I am putting my husband through college literally everything rests on my shoulders. Bobby just started his spring semester and things are back to being a little more difficult for me. I have to make sure I am home by 4:30 so he can go to school. But it does mean that I will have a little more me time after work because Troy goes to bed around 7-8. I almost forgot that I got Bobby's sister a job and since she doesn't drive so I will be driving her to work. Sometimes I feel like I am stretching myself so thin but I don't have a choice. This means that I will have to get up even earlier to get her, bring her to work and then get myself to work. Man, thinking about this makes me want to cry, hah.

Bobby is going to be watching his sister's kids for her during the day while she is at work and she is going to pay him each week rather than going through child action. The extra money will be nice, I just hope that we are not signing ourselves up for more than we can handle. At the end of the day my willingness to help people will always come out even if its at my own expense. Its something that I cannot help. It must be my deep down issue with acceptance. I am a people pleaser, which often makes me a doormat. I don't let people walk all over me or disrespect me, but I will go out of my way to help someone else if it means I will be inconvenienced. I literally cannot help it. I cant say that it makes me feel good, but I probably do it out of guilt to atone for the wrongs I have done in the past.

I am a completely different person that I used to be. I'd like to think for the better. I have matured alot, I have gotten older, I have become a wife, and I have become a mother. All of these things added up has humbled me. I truly believe that people never change but I do believe that people can make themselves better, that is what I have done. So if anyone that is reading this I have ever offended in the past, or done wrong, please know that I am sorry and would not mind hearing from you so I could apologize.

Welp, Troy isn't sleeping and trying to transition him away from the pacifier is not really going so well so, time to go handle this little creature. :)

Never standing still in time,

Well well well. As the title says, never standing still in time. Thats me and thats my life. Always go, go go and ever changing. I've been at my new job for a week now and it's a relief. The people I work with are absolutely freaking hilarious. Bobby and I were invited out on Friday to one of my new manager's birthday parties at a casino. It was so much fun, and I have never partied with co-workers before and it wasn't awkward in the least. My manager was sloshed and spent the majority of the time talking to us about UFC and stuff. We didnt stay too long since we had Troy with us. But we hung out, mingled, ate appetizers and left around 9:30.

I cant stress enough how less stressed I am at this new job. The people, the enviornment, the sense of humours everyone has it's so fun to be around. It's rare to find a boss/manager who can mess around, be funny but lay the smack down when it's needed. I'm still learning and am in the training process so I cant say for sure if I like what I'm doing, but i'm being open minded. The money is absolutely unbeatable.

Bobby and I also finally got rid of our Samsung Galaxy S6's. We got them in September and have hated them since then. They are laggy, unresponsive and are really just hype. We decided to get the new iPhones. We both got iPhone 6S Pluses. I can't believe how much I have missed Apple and their products. I was such a fool for going to Andorid. I now consider Android like the "Dark Side", amusing. We're definitely done switching phones for awhile. It's not cheap at all.

Today was Troy's first day of Day Care. He's only going twice a week for 1 hour a day. So that means 2 hours per week, 6 hours per month. Monday and Wednesday, Bobby's classes conflict with my new schedule. We don't have anyone that can watch him so daycare was our only solution. It is very hard on me. I don't think anyone else other than a first time mother who works fulltime can understand. Anything can happen in 1 hour. But this is part of growing up, being an adult, and being  a responsible mother. I digress. I literally rushed from work to the daycare like their house was on fire to get to Troy. I don't doubt my over reaction but I love my child. I cried the majority of the way there. Reality and responsibility hit me in the face and was overwhelming. I'm not trying to start a debate or any controversy but I firmly believe that working mothers have it so much harder then stay at home mothers. But that's a discussion for another time.

When I got there the woman opened the door and there was my child happy, laughing and playing with other children. I got so completely weak at the knees. I am always worried Troy will be difficult and cry when I'm not around but what I was looking at was the complete opposite. The daycare woman explained that Troy is such a joy and such a good baby who wasn't fussy at all. She said that he is kind, courteous and gets along well with others and is kind. That made me so happy. I called my mom immediately to tell her the news. My mom was so happy for Troy. Happy he was having so much fun and was happy to hear how wonderful he is. My mom is my go to for everything for Troy. She has college degrees in psychology and early childhood development and is a preschool handicap inclusion teacher. She works with handicapped and non handicapped children. My mom has no issue laying the smack down. She keeps me in check and tells me to relax and not to over react when I get crazy. She told me that everything I was telling her indicates that I am raising Troy correctly. Even at such a young age he's such a little grown up. She also told me to get rid of the paci and he's not a baby anymore. Yikes!!


Bobby is just about finished with his first semester of college that he has aced. He is currently compiling his schedule for next semester. He will only have a few weeks off before he goes right back. As always, I am extremely proud of him and his commitment to school and working so hard to fly right through it with flying colors. Next semester he will be working on finishing up his general classes and finishing up his prerequisites. I cannot wait for him to start his classes in Anatomy & Physiology and others. He's going to have such a great time in these classes. Anything human body and how it works is right up his alley.

Welp, that's enough for now. I don't really have anything else going on for the time being. But as always, that is subject to change.

So many changes so quickly.

Oh my goodness. So much has gone on since Friday its crazy!

Where to even begin. Well I quit my job. With out getting too far into detail, I decided that my job was no longer a good fit for me and I haven't been happy there in quite some time. I'm sad because over the 2 years I've been there, I have made some amazing friends. There are certain people there who I love that I will remember forever. Even though it's sad and bittersweet there are people there who I'm not saying goodbye to but see you later. One of those people is my dear friend Brenda. Brenda and I started within 2 weeks of each other. We basically worked side by side the entire time we've been there. She is my other mother. She has done so much for me, she's been so kind, and is always there when I need advice or help. Brenda and I will remain friends without a doubt. We even have plans next week! HA

So my new job. Out here there are staffing agencies or "temp agencies". I decided to work with them in finding a new job. Instead of placing me with another company they decided to hire me for their company. It's pretty unheard of that this happens. The opportunity was simply unbeatable and they made me an offer that I cannot refuse. I am going to be a Staffing Associate helping work on one of their biggest projects. I'm pretty humbled and eager to start. I will be making a considerable increase in money. It's going to be lovely. I start this Monday. I am extremely nervous because it is change, but I have to do whats right and best for my family, and this is it.

I started tutoring last weekend and it was a blast. I learned alot. Bobby is also tutoring me as well and he's a very good math teacher. Math is the only thing that I am needing to brush up on. I did extremely well, close to 100% on the rest of my assessments. After a few weeks of math tutoring I'll be golden.

We took Troy trick or treating at the mall this year. Halloween this year was of course a day hat he decided he wasnt going to take a nap so he was absolutely over tired and a hand full to get ready and get to the mall. Once we got to the mall though he was much better. No crying and was content. We stayed for about an hour before we went home. He was tired, we were tired, theres not much someone his age can do trick or treating anyway. Next year though it'll be different.

And last but not least I cut off all my hair. After much thought and many years of long hair, I cut it off. I'm very pleased and very satisfied.

Sick of being sick

So as the title explains, I'm sick of being sick. For the last 2 and half weeks I have been pretty sick. I thought that I had the flu and actually saw a doctor for the first time in god knows how long. The only time I saw a doctor over the past few years was my OBGYN when I was pregnant with Troy, and all the genetic specialists where I had my prenatal procedures done. I don't like going to the doctor and I try and just rough it out. But boy did I learn that I cannot be doing that anymore. When you have a kid, you need to stay on top of yourself because if you don't, you can't stay ontop of them.

I went to the doctor 2 mondays ago and was told I had the flu. After a few days I actually started feeling worse. It got to the point where my neck was completely stiff and my tonsils and glands were completely swollen. My doctor told me to go to the ER and I did. They told me that I have a respiratory infection and strep. I have been on antibiotics and painkillers since Saturday. They were a little over zealous and gave me liquid Vicodin. I have barely used it because I really hate painkillers and how they make me feel. Painkillers for me are emergency only. I have like 3 bottles left over from when I had Troy because I just don't use them. I went to work today and it was a relief. I got sent home yesterday morning due to potential of being contagious. So I was happy to get back to being busy and making the day go by quickly.

Troy is currently asleep thank goodness. Bobby told me that he didn't sleep at all today which led me to believe it was going to be a rough night for me. I think he was worn out at the store. I had to run to Walmart today after work when I got home to get my mom's birthday gift. I'm going to do my best to make it a two parter. I mailed out her card today, and as I'm writing this, I forgot to get Troy to sign her card. Ugh. Sorry Mom! I know you read this blog from time to time so you're not getting any birthday gift spoilers, sorry!

I've been binge watching The Secret Circle on Netflix and I'm getting close to the end so I'm taking a breather. I cannot believe it was cancelled after one season. This is Firefly all over again. I watched this when it first came out and really enjoyed it. I'm enjoying it alot more this time around. I cannot see why they wouldn't have renewed this. I can't find anything terrible about it.  But I digress. Bobby is at school, I'm exhausted, and hungry. Waiting for Bobby to get home from school so we can have dinner, hang out a bit before we go to bed.

Signing off for now! Ta Ta!

Not much going on.

I can't believe October is almost over and Halloween is next week. Bobby and I already got Troy's costume and it's so fitting. We got him a little devil costume. We were literally in the store less than 5 minutes before we decided. Overall Troy is an extremely good baby. He listens extremely well, is respectful, happy, and so eager to learn. However, hell hath no fury like my tired child. Lawd hammercy. So Troy isn't really a devil child unless he's tired.

Our neighbors moved out and left the front house vacant. We decided that we are going to move into that house. It needs work and we're going to make sure that it gets taken care of first this time around. Someone I work with who's in need of a place to stay will most likely be moving into my old unit with their significant other, I already let them know that we're pretty anti-social and it won't be weird and we wont bother them simply because we work together, We most definitely learned our lesson.

Things have been busy but not out of the ordinary. Bobby is nearly done with his midterms which he has received A's on every single one. It's so nice to see all his hard work paying off. He's so smart and it looks like it comes to him so easy. He juggles everything so well. As always, I am so proud of my husband. I cannot wait until he graduates and starts working in the profession he is working so hard towards. Me on the other hand had my tutor push the start until next weekend. I'm not gonna lie, I was pretty bummed it got pushed back a week. I have been so anxious to start since the beginning of the month. I have waited this long I can wait a little longer right?

I've recently tweaked my eating habits to work on loosing the last of my baby weight I gained going back to work and after a week in I'm down 4 pounds. Not bad in my opinion. I really dont have much left to loose so it shouldn't be too hard. It's very imporant to be realistic and positive. I weighed 137 when I got pregnant and I was 164 when I gave birth so I had only gained 27lbs during my entire pregnancy. I lost it all instantly and gained a little going back to work during the holidays. Holidays are a killer. I enjoy clean and healthy eating and it suits us well. Plus since the beginning of this month, Troy has been walking nonstop so chasing after him is helping, amusing.

I really don't have anything else to say. I gave Troy dinner, a bath, clean set of PJ's and now he's asleep. Just me, my laptop, Netflix and Achilles. Just waiting on Bobby to get home now.

Uneventful

Things have been pretty uneventful on my end. Not much goes on when you're a fulltime working mother. I was so swamped with work last week that I was sure I was going to have to stay afterwork off the clock on Friday to finish. If there is one thing I'm OCD and crazy about it's time. Time management is one of my specialties. I'm always convinced I may be late to work (never have been), I'm not going to finish my work by the end of the week but it's never happened. I love being able to manage myself. I enjoy the solitude of my position. It allows me to listen to books, music, and documentaries while I slam out the work. I have been listening to Breaking Benjamin religiously. I have always LOVED BB. They're new album is just as good as Dear Agony. But I digress.

Nothing exciting has happened lately. Bobby and I cut Troy's hair this weekend. I'm still a little sad about it. When Troy was born he had jet black hair that wound up falling out and growing back like mine. His hair is/was beautiful. Wavy, soft, thick golden brown locks. He looked like a little surfer baby. But as my mom always used to tell me, "Shannon it's hair, it'll grow back". That was one of the great things about my mom. With tattoos and piercings she was very strict but with hair, there werent many limits. Lord have I had some shitty hair cuts in my life. I hope to be the same type of parent my mother was and still is to me, to Troy. My childhood had many set backs and I often wonder what could have happened if I wasnt adopted but a biological child of my mom. Maybe some things could have been different or never happened.

Thinking about parenting is very hard and is very scary. I don't like to yell at my son and I don't like to tell him no. When he's horsing around when he should be asleep rather then listen to me he just laughs, but with his dad its a completely different story. I dont want to be a push over and I want to do a good job. I dont really have anything else to say right now. Bobby's at school, midterms are coming up and Troy's been asleep for awhile. Blah

Obsession, Morbid Curiosity, Unhealthy Habit?

I have been fascinated by anything horror literally all my life. My dad introduced me into horror movies when I was young. My earliest memory of horror movies I've seen was The Leprechaun and Scream on VHS. Leprechaun gave me nightmares for years, but I got over it. I literally don't watch any other kind of movies other than Horror and True Crime.

When my dad passed away untimely in 2005 I was only 14. It was sudden, tragic, and completely unexpected. This fueled my fascination with death. I think every young kid/teen who goes through the death of a parent becomes naturally curious about death on their own so for me, I went banana sandwich. My passion is serial killers. Oh god I love serial killers. I've watched too many to count. I take it pretty serious actually, but it's funny. My husband had a college thesis where he had to critique a student's essay from like 1991 about the death penalty. It talked about a serial killer and specific facts I had already known, so reading the other person's essay I completely dissected it and helped him write the thesis and correct all the errors the other person had. It was so funny because he told me only I would know this stuff.

With all of this being said, this week I have been stuck on the Columbine Massacre. For those who are unfamiliar, Dylan Klebold and Eric Harris were senior high school students that massacred 12 students and 1 teacher. I have spent every day this week dissecting everything I can find about the massacre, to the shooters themselves. I feel like I am finally able to paint a pretty clear picture. I think this is a fascinating case where the mixture of high school stress, being an outcast, unpopular, bullied, parents who were not involved with their kids, and becoming an adolescent went haywire.

When you look up about Adam Lanza and James Holmes it’s hard to really paint a picture because all we know is what we read and what we are being told. With Dylan and Eric, man, nearly everything was made public. Their personal journals, their websites, home video footage (to an extent, basement tapes were sealed and destroyed earlier this year), even their parents journals were made public. While it's still hard to understand what exactly made them decide to shoot up their school, we got to see inside their minds and it's really sad. What can make 2 seemingly normal kids hate themselves, life, and people so much. I think when it really comes down to it, people don't understand just how much bullying can affect people. No matter what you tell young kids in high school, high school is everything, their world. You can't explain to them after high school none of it, and no one from it will matter. Dylan and Eric were so close to graduating and being rid of all the people who tormented and bullied them. Sadly they were so consumed in their own self-loathing and the need for revenge they couldn’t hold on.

I'm on the other side of the fence. While what happened was so extremely tragic, I sympathize with Dylan and Eric. They were so consumed they couldn't recover. Eric was even on anti-depressants and didn't seem to improve. I also sympathize because it is clear their parents clearly weren’t more involved with their lives. Had their parents cared a little bit more, maybe they would have seen their journals, maybe they would have seen the stashes of weapons and explosives in their rooms. If they had cared to ask questions they may have seen things with their children were clearly not right. I feel like if their parents were more involved, this could have possibly been avoided. There was a time a gun store had called Eric's house and his dad picked up by mistake, and the store called to let him know that his clips and ammo were ready. Rather than ask further questions, the dad simply told the store that he hadn’t ordered and ammo or clips. Wouldn't you think that was weird? How could someone possibly call someone else by mistake about ordering this kind of thing? Eric later wrote in his journal that if his dad had asked more questions, everything would have been ruined.

I just really can't shake this story. I don't think I'm going to stop looking into it for a while. I'm currently working on reading their journals. I have already read the transcripts for their "basement tape" videos. I was sad to read that earlier this year those videos were destroyed. They were never made public or released due to fear that other people would take ideas from them and carry out similar heinous acts. But come on, have you read the news lately? When are kids looking at videos like this and carrying out school shootings? They seem to be doing just well on their own.